Steam Punk’d

Steam is a wonderful place, it really is.

The gaming website, not the steam.

Steam is so powerful, in fact, that, as I was signing in the other day, it made me question who I was.

WHAT I was.

This…

Changes…

Everything.

AE

 

 

Yach Bauer

So… 24‘s coming back soon.

That’s pretty awesome.

You know what else is pretty awesome, though?

Yup.

AE

2 Cloudy 2 Furious

Hollywood movies get the weirdest French titles sometimes…

Last year, we saw The Host become:

(The Vagrant Souls)

But this weird re-titling has been going on since forever, I mean, remember Sleeper?

Well in France no-one knows it as Sleeper.

Everyone, however, knows:

“Woody And The Robots”!

Now, I don’t mind taking a normal title and making it sound silly, that’s been going on non-stop since the dawn of time.

Even changing an English title to another, sillier sounding, English title I don’t mind:

Especially when the movie sucks regardless.

I have to draw the line, though, at taking a title that already sounds absurd and making it sound, somehow, even goofier.

Case and point: Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2.

Ok, let me translate exactly what they’ve done here.

I’ll stop every so often to take a breath.

“The Island Of Yum-Nimals”.

*breath*

“Storm Of The Giant Meatballs 2”.

Now, I don’t know what the hell a “yum-nimal” is. I’m guessing, if I remember the movie’s trailer correctly, that they’re animals made of food?

Or… food made of animals?

I’m also guessing from the “yum” that they’re delicious?

Nope, not eating that.

You know, I’m starting to think that this movie kinda asked for its even sillier French title…

I mean, after all, IT came up with the sickening idea of “Foodimals”!

Just look at the list the film’s Wiki page gives us:

“Mosquitoast”?

REALLY?!

I like how some are creative and ever-so-slightly convoluted like “Tyranno-s’more-us Mess” and others are just:

“Tomato”.

What else is there?

F-food… people?!

Right, you win, Cloudy 2.

You keep your crazy long, crazy-sounding French title, you deserve it!

Crazy flick…

AE

Down With Poo!

More French-themed enterthesnowman goodness for y’all.

You know Marseilles?

The place that’s both a city in France AND a dish-washing liquid flavour?

Well, as nice of a place as it is, some people seem unsatisfied with it.

Case and point:

Now, I’ll enlarge the picture for you in a minute but all you need to look out for is a sign saying “MARRE DE MARCHER DANS LA MERDE!” which roughly translates as “TIRED OF WALKING IN SHIT!”.

Here’s what I’m thinking.

First: LOL.

Second: the people living on this street are tired of people or dogs shitting in the area.

Third: the people living on this street are posting these signs all over town as the beginning of some sort of nationwide poo protest!

Whatever the real reason is, I just wanna say:

I’m with you.

Down with poo!

AE

Doppelganger Cruise

Let’s take a trip!

Hell, let’s take a cruise!

Now this is a French flier so I’ll translate.

“The Cruise Of Lookalikes: Song, Dance, Laughs.”

Yes, it’s exactly what you think.

Here’s a cruise which prides itself on being packed full of celebrity lookalikes. Not celebrities: people who look (or sometimes DON’T look) like celebrities.

French celebrities.

Most of which are unknowns to the rest of the world.

Here they are: the “stars” of the show.

You’ve got Elvis Presley in there, of course, you’ve got popular, late French comedian Coluche (the only one who looks sort of decent as a lookalike, by the way), classic popstars like Dalida, Claude Francois and Michel Sardou AND, my favourite, impersonator Laurent Gerra:

Now Gerra is kind of like the French equivalent to Bob Saget, except he impersonates celebrities.

Which means that the person impersonating Laurent Gerra will ALSO be impersonating countless other celebrities WHILE looking like him. This guy’s like the Inception of lookalikes!

Each picture is supported by a short, boring biography of each lookalike and…

Wait-

What’s with the **?

Oh great: the lookalikes aren’t even all confirmed for this friggin’ thing. Half of them could just bow out at any moment!

Could you imagine?

You’re going on this cruise hoping to see your favourite celebrity horribly imitated.

Like, for example, Jacques Brel:

And fake Jacques Brel doesn’t show up!

Your shitty cruise would be RUINED!!!

On second thoughts, let us not go to that lookalike cruise.

It is a silly place.

AE

 

Chestnuts

Few days ago, I was on the train and something happened.

Something I can’t quite explain.

A dude walked up to the empty seat in front of me and left this:

The weird thing, despite the placing of the chestnut, is that our eyes met for a second mere moments before the surreal event. Which left me to wonder:

Is this his way of asking me out?

Or is he just part of some kind of weird cult that goes around town charming dudes with chestnuts?

You know what, being asked out is, more often than not, flattering: this is just…

I don’t know what this is.

The other theory could be that he’s some kind of posh/pretend-poor art student with a dream. A dream of one day selling videos of him chestnutting strangers all around London to eccentric aristocrats and living on unicorn milk for the rest of his days.

I went online looking into potential chestnut-inspired art projects and this is basically all I could find:

Thank you Google.

Thank you very much.

You’ve failed me once again.

But ok, what else could this whole chestnut thing be about?

Was that guy crazy? Was he just carrying a chestnut around and was unsure as to how best to get rid of it? Why me? Why a chestnut?

F*** knows.

All I know is that it means something.

I mean, just look at what I happened to see on my way home THE SAME DAY:

Should I be worried?

I’m worried.

AE

 

Brittany’s Harshtag

Twitter‘s great.

Bad things in real life happen and you no longer have to wait 30 seconds to find out! Now everything just “trends” and straight-away you can be free to hashtag a celebrity who just died followed by a respectful #RIP even though you only learned that person existed days before and never even bothered to check out their work until you found out they passed.

You can trend all sorts of fun shit like that: natural disasters, Ben Aflleck… you name it.

Every so often, however, something trends and it’s just plain bizarre.

See if you can spot the odd one out in this list:

Take your time.

Let me give you a clue: it’s not Wimbledon.

Yes, #brittanyshatherpants is, indeed, the odd one out.

Who is Brittany?

Why did she shit her pants?

How come we’re all talking about it?

All questions I’ve desperately tried to seek the answers to.

Indonesia?!

Yeah, that doesn’t help me.

I don’t know, dude!

I’m just as confused as you are!

Hell, the closest I ever came to finding an actual answer to this whole mess was this:

Who knows what that’s about.

Looks like I’ll never know why  Brittany shat her pants…

Wherever she is, whoever she is, I just hope she’s ok and all cleaned up.

Here’s to you, trending pants-shitter!

#trendingpantsshitter

AE