UnBebelievable

Sometimes the world gives you a riddle.

Sometimes it gives you gold.

This is both:


Let’s take a closer look.

Let’s REALLY enterthesnowman.


There’s translation errors and then there’s this wonderfully not proofread piece of advertising.

It’s like a whole new language has been created!

Let’s try and figure this out.


Ok, first of all: “Bebelieve”.

Now this one’s obviously an inspirational layer cake word type of deal.

It’s like “To The Max” and “Just Do It” had a child and called it Maxit Do Toto.

To be and to believe are not the same thing but “Bebelieve” appears to signify “believe in yourself”. 

Yeah, let’s go with that.

The rest of that phrase now feels redundant so let’s just delete it. You can’t be or believe in your beauty anyway, that’s nonsense.


Oh boy.

Right, so there’s probably a word missing here.

Then again, what would “delight in your feeling” even mean? And that’s the best case scenario!

Best I can figure out is delighting in one’s feeling would equate to basking in your own vanity but that’s really not much of a message so let’s tone it down a bit and make it mean something more along the lines of “enjoy your life” or some shit.

There.

The poster makes sense, sort of.

Your life has meaning again.

Happy?

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Jay Jay Joy Joy

Once upon a time, there was a DVD I encountered in a charity shop.

No, your eyes are not deceiving you: these jet planes have human faces.
Apparently, Thomas The Tank Engine didn’t look quite human enough for the kids watching so Jay Jay The Jet Plane (and his ugly-ass friends) was born.


Taking a page out of the inexplicable Cars and Planes movies, this CGI animated show doesn’t just give planes human faces but flesh coloured human faces, adding an extra layer of realism to the whole thing.

One can then hypothesize that Jay Jay’s adventures are taking place about a hundred years post Cars or Planes, when car scientists finally mastered the art of splicing mechanical and human beings.

Look how expressive those jet planes are:


In your flat, car-coloured faces, Pixar!

Think of the possibilities, marketing-wise. Disney have no chance of competing with human-faced planes.

Toys…


Balloons…


You name it, Jay Jay can be it.

Look at Disney’s face right now:


Good luck selling your regular, boring old mouthy planes as balloons.

There is one flaw, admittedly, when it comes to human-faced jet planes.


Do you see it?

Look closer.


AE

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Be Our Fruits

Bananas.

Slippery little buggers.

And yet so delicious!

It was only a matter of time before advertisers would discover their potential.


Chiquita didn’t just add colour to our bananas but removing those stickers is a fun game in itself!

Thank you Chiquita.

Disney being the big players when it comes to movies about talking inanimate objects, it’s no surprise why they used bananas as a selling tool for their biggest blockbusters.


Dole and Disney came together this year to celebrate the release of Beauty and the Beast (not the animated one, the one that looks like ass).

Talk about a winning combination!


I see what they did there.

Using the word “Beauty” in bold and placing a movie-based book next to a bunch of fruits really is an inspiring and inspired advertising hook.

And the BEAUTY is that Dole can just do that with anything!


Personally I would have made those fruits talk but this is good too.

I bet pineapples sound like real pricks.

AE

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Tostitos Locos

Target supermarkets house some of the greatest things on this Earth.

From Jumbo Push-Pops to baconnaise and Kevin James DVDs, few shopping experiences even compare.

Thanks to Target, you could even win prizes! But not just any prizes: the best gosh darn prizes this side of wherever.

Case in point: Tostitos.


I think this deserves a close-up:


Yes, you read right.

As if winning $1,000 wasn’t good enough, thanks to Tostitos you could also win a piñata of YOURSELF!

😱

Why?

How dare you even ask.

To have sex with, of course!

Except instead of fluids, your reward is candy. The candy, as far as I know, is not shaped like yourself but wouldn’t that just be the cherry on the sundae?

Anyway, let’s see what FaceApp thinks about all this.


Time goes fast when you’re having fun.

Too fast.

AE

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FaceApp: Episode I – The Mannequin Menace

So you know how FaceApp is currently both the dumbest and the best app?

Dull selfies are transformed into absurd gems in a single tap and one can’t help but adore every goofy function the app has to offer.


One minor flaw: you can’t make just ANYTHING into an old man.

But what if you could put a smile on an inanimate object? Brighten up ITS day and, by extension, yours?

Take this lovely mannequin lady, for example:


Bald, proud and dignified.

And yet she deserves better than this glum pout.


Thanks to FaceApp, she’s never been happier AND her complexion is much healthier.

She can even be a man if she wants.


The possibilities are definitely not endless but certainly go a long way.

Now, I put it to you, kind readers of this post: would you rather live in a world full of moody, grumpy mannequins?



Or live in MY world, a world full of happy, gender fluid fake people?



I bet I can guess.

FaceApp gives us a glimpse into a better, more uplifting and possible world so, I beg you: go out there, happy-up your mannequins for this is the future we want and deserve.

Keep in mind, though…


It’s not a perfect science.

Serves us right for playing God.

AE

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Yach Bauer

So… 24‘s coming back soon.

That’s pretty awesome.

You know what else is pretty awesome, though?

Yach Bauer Deal With ItYup.

AE

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2 Cloudy 2 Furious

Hollywood movies get the weirdest French titles sometimes…

Last year, we saw The Host become:

120x160 Trilogie 11_01(The Vagrant Souls)

But this weird re-titling has been going on since forever, I mean, remember Sleeper?

Well in France no-one knows it as Sleeper.

Everyone, however, knows:

woody-et-les-robots-20110420064752“Woody And The Robots”!

Now, I don’t mind taking a normal title and making it sound silly, that’s been going on non-stop since the dawn of time.

Even changing an English title to another, sillier sounding, English title I don’t mind:

Sex-Friends-Affiche-FranceEspecially when the movie sucks regardless.

I have to draw the line, though, at taking a title that already sounds absurd and making it sound, somehow, even goofier.

Case and point: Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2.

Ile Des Miamnimaux

Ok, let me translate exactly what they’ve done here.

I’ll stop every so often to take a breath.

“The Island Of Yum-Nimals”.

*breath*

“Storm Of The Giant Meatballs 2”.

Now, I don’t know what the hell a “yum-nimal” is. I’m guessing, if I remember the movie’s trailer correctly, that they’re animals made of food?

Or… food made of animals?

I’m also guessing from the “yum” that they’re delicious?

CheespiderNope, not eating that.

You know, I’m starting to think that this movie kinda asked for its even sillier French title…

I mean, after all, IT came up with the sickening idea of “Foodimals”!

foodimalsJust look at the list the film’s Wiki page gives us:

Foodimals2

“Mosquitoast”?

REALLY?!

Foodimals3

I like how some are creative and ever-so-slightly convoluted like “Tyranno-s’more-us Mess” and others are just:

“Tomato”.

What else is there?

Food PeopleF-food… people?!

Right, you win, Cloudy 2.

You keep your crazy long, crazy-sounding French title, you deserve it!

Crazy flick…

AE

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Down With Poo!

More French-themed enterthesnowman goodness for y’all.

You know Marseilles?

The place that’s both a city in France AND a dish-washing liquid flavour?

Marseille Flavour

Well, as nice of a place as it is, some people seem unsatisfied with it.

Case and point:

Poo Sign

Now, I’ll enlarge the picture for you in a minute but all you need to look out for is a sign saying “MARRE DE MARCHER DANS LA MERDE!” which roughly translates as “TIRED OF WALKING IN SHIT!”.

MerdeHere’s what I’m thinking.

First: LOL.

Second: the people living on this street are tired of people or dogs shitting in the area.

Third: the people living on this street are posting these signs all over town as the beginning of some sort of nationwide poo protest!

Whatever the real reason is, I just wanna say:

I’m with you.

Down with poo!

AE

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Doppelganger Cruise

Let’s take a trip!

Hell, let’s take a cruise!

Croisiere Des sosiesNow this is a French flier so I’ll translate.

“The Cruise Of Lookalikes: Song, Dance, Laughs.”

Yes, it’s exactly what you think.

Here’s a cruise which prides itself on being packed full of celebrity lookalikes. Not celebrities: people who look (or sometimes DON’T look) like celebrities.

French celebrities.

Most of which are unknowns to the rest of the world.

Les ArtistesHere they are: the “stars” of the show.

You’ve got Elvis Presley in there, of course, you’ve got popular, late French comedian Coluche (the only one who looks sort of decent as a lookalike, by the way), classic popstars like Dalida, Claude Francois and Michel Sardou AND, my favourite, impersonator Laurent Gerra:

GerraNow Gerra is kind of like the French equivalent to Bob Saget, except he impersonates celebrities.

Which means that the person impersonating Laurent Gerra will ALSO be impersonating countless other celebrities WHILE looking like him. This guy’s like the Inception of lookalikes!

Artist Pics 2Each picture is supported by a short, boring biography of each lookalike and…

Wait-

ArtistesWhat’s with the **?

ReserveOh great: the lookalikes aren’t even all confirmed for this friggin’ thing. Half of them could just bow out at any moment!

Could you imagine?

You’re going on this cruise hoping to see your favourite celebrity horribly imitated.

Like, for example, Jacques Brel:

BrelAnd fake Jacques Brel doesn’t show up!

Your shitty cruise would be RUINED!!!

On second thoughts, let us not go to that lookalike cruise.

It is a silly place.

AE

 

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