Msn On The Stars: “Are You Old?”

For Hotmail people such as I, there’s something irresistible about those msn.com articles, they’re like catchy pop songs: they’re dumb, they offer nothing but fast-food crap for your ears (or in this case: EYES) and their very existence make you lose the very will to defecate.

Msnterthesnowman

*defecates*

Yes, sometimes Msn hits the nail right on the head.

Was there a great demand for this? Badly photoshopped celebrities as they would look  years later if AGE was CGI?

Now before we dive right into the Nothing Wrong Here chasm that is this page, lets have a quick gander at the left side of this Home page:

Men

Wow, they know me sooooooooo well!!!

It’s like they’ve been in my ass the ENTIRE time I’ve been alive!

Anyway, you click on the article itself…

Gnome Clooney

Ok…

Ok.

Who would willingly look this way without being tiny, porcelain and actually standing in a garden? Looking like this, Clooney looks like he’s about to insert his shriveled old troll penis into the camera. I think it’s because his eyes and nose are still 20 years younger…

But it gets better:

Santa Christ

Charlton Heston IS: Santa Christ.

Santa Moses

Who made these??? Did he or she get paid? Did they come up with these on their own or were they made to do it? I guess we’ll never know.

You know, if it weren’t for the stick-on ‘tache and the spray-on beard, Becks Santa Christ would look pretty good! Regardless, this is one Santa Christ I can get behind!

But I know what you’re asking yourself. What about Megan Fox?

Old Fox

No, not Steven Tyler, I said Megan F…

Oh…

I guess the star of Transformers 2 was a male 80’s rock star (with chapped lips) this whole time! Who knew?

Again: age the nose guys! Noses aren’t the embodiment of youth! Unless…

Come on out Justin Bieber, lets show these guys how one stays young and fresh-faced:

Justin Timed

Oh the humanity.

That beard looks like it belongs on an anus somewhere.

Somewhere…

Not even copious amounts of mascara can hide this old young man’s booze-fuelled junkie eyes. Do I sense a Bieber rap album coming up 10 years from now?

What do you say Cameron Diaz?

Diaz of Our Lives

lol

As dirty and make-up-less Cameron Diaz looks in this ungodly creation, what really grossed me out about this one was the thin strands of hair beard under her chin. Can you feel that? Yes. That IS your breakfast.

Msn knows what the people want: bearded women.

Lets just hope Katie Holmes isn’t too beardy…

Sarah Palin Holmes

Ok no beard but…

Here comes that breakfast again.

I’m not sure if it’s a factor but I think they photoshop the people they like the least in the most horrible ways imaginable.

Becks: Beautiful Charlton Heston Santa Christ.

Tom Cruise’s wife: 90 year-old Puppet Sarah Palin.

Jeez, I keep expecting Katie Holmes to show me around the Labyrinth…

Mwomma?

Again, it looks like glasses have the power to make eyes look 50 years younger. Why, if that were true everyone’s face would be glasses!

Ok, my personal favourite:

Thompson Twin Daniel Craig

Where do I start?

1 – He’s a Belgian cartoon character.

Thompson

Asterix

2 – He’s CGI Tom Hanks.

ShitGI Hanks

3 – Daniel Craig is blond.

4 – His head is EXACTLY like a hot-air balloon.

5 – What the hell am I looking at?

I guess I’ll never understand why this list exists. I haven’t been able to find it again so I can only assume they realised what they had done and decided to cover their tracks. But they hadn’t counted on good ol’ AE. You can’t enterthesnowman publicly like this and NOT expect me to print screen!

There were others but those were the best. I must confess I did leave one out for the purpose on this post’s punchline though…

Turtly Amazing

AE

 

 

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