Ah, sweet spam…
Prompted by my counterpart’s recent post on the joys of junk mail, I thought I’d contribute a little something on wordpress spam.
That’s right — even the whitewashed halls and boxes of this Internet Elysium are subject to the constant churn and drivel of unsolicited spam.
That exciting moment, when you think someone has something to say, some glimmer of attention to shine on you — and the sad realisation that it’s just so much verbiage wheezing out of an invisible robot’s ass.
Look at this:
You see how vague this stuff is? No specifics whatsoever — someone, group, this site, us —
Ooh, but I love the information…
Check out this one:
Thanks, empty void!
As far as cold readings go, this is a new rock bottom. Theme/design? I’ve never felt so loved. And weblog — really? What is this, 1992?
* * *
But it’s not all that vapid.
Well, OK, it’s all that vapid.
But it’s not all that vague.
No, OK, it’s definitely all that vague.
What I mean is, sometimes it’s great…
Ho shit! There I was, cruising my trash folder for some more spreadable cheese when, unbeknownst to me, I was about to get prwned…
That’s right, I’m getting heavy-handed eco advice from a bona fide crustacean!
Wait a second, is this spam…?
Well, it’s not untrue…
* * *
And then there’s this:
This gem diverges even further from the norm — it’s vague like most spam, yes, but it’s not sycophantic in the least. In fact, it’s decidedly aggressive.
But whats kake? Is that like sake?
Think again, brain!
No, not viagra, not penis enlargement, not anal sex vids — not even hosting from $0.01 per annum; I got prwned by carrot cake.
* * *
Who knows what the future holds for me and my trash folder? Who knows what dizzying order of words might find its way to my door, and to what order of reality they might act as incantation? There’s only one thing I do know, and that’s how to sign off this weblog.
All together now:
This is pointless, why am I even reading it and not enjoying cake? I should learn to spend my time better.